The other day I had 5 cups of coffee and I felt like my heart was going to explode. It used to be that I could sleep 3 hours a night, drink 3 cups of coffee a day, and function well enough to get all the stuff I had to get done done. I’m beginning to feel old.
Pardon the direct quote, but this is from Ask Dr. Science, a radio show:
Dear Doctor Science,
Why is it that after not sleeping for two weeks and drinking only coffee, I am able to see demons and control nature and fly and stuff like that?
— Brian Brunschoen from Portland , OR
Because lack of sleep and extreme caffeine consumption allow you to become the person you were truly meant to be: a self-deluded narcissist with an eating disorder. It’s only by getting to know our real selves that we can claim the power that is due us. Some people might encourage you to sleep or eat, but they’re just jealous, and wish they had your ability to see demons and fly. Oh sure, the circumstances of your life, or incarceration, might mean that you would do well to play along with their silly little games, but you and I know what you’re really up to. When you drink coffee, make sure you drink only the very best, Ethiopian Harrarrarrarraar, brewed with distilled water and just a hint
of chromium dioxide.